Tuesday, May 12, 2015

Ants in their pants

:: Ants in their Pants ::

It all started while standing in the back of church this past Sunday during Mass with a one year old hanging off my hand trying to escape to inspect and eventually dismantle whatever he could lay his hands on. I realized that I have been suffering from a spiritual dry-spell of sorts. It isn't a crisis of faith or falling away from my faith just a spiritual drought. The tap had been inadvertently shut off while I was living life. I am not one to dive deep into theology or wax poetically about the teaching of the Catholic Church. I am a listener when it comes to my faith. I drink it in and let it settle in my heart and mind but I hadn't done it recently. I had been on a self-care kick lately by eating better, exercising, and taking time for myself but completely forgetting about my soul. And while standing in the narthex it hit me that I had let little old complacency sneak in and turn off the tap. 

As Little Man was climbing the ramp for the 100th time, one of the priests stopped to offer a kind word. He is a tall, very kind Irishman who always seems to have a smile to share. He asked how we were and I told him with a sigh that we were here and we were trying to keep the little ones happy without too much fuss. He told me that we were here as a family and that is what mattered and for better or worse each Sunday, God knows we are trying to raise our children with faith-filled hearts and that He loved us. We said our good-byes as Little Man toddled off to explore the daily Mass chapel in the corner. 

Honestly, those words hit me and at that moment I could have been knocked over with a feather. We were trying even if I felt like I was not participating fully in Mass because I wasn't sitting in the pew. I was there in the presence of the Lord and I just had to let go and be for that time. It was enough for me to kick that old friend, complacency, off of my tap and let the celebration of Mass flow into my heart. I know that right now we have small children and that some Sundays they seem to have brought ants in their pants to church but for better or worse we are there and by celebrating Mass we are teaching our children and ourselves that taking care of self is nothing without taking care of your soul too. We have been parishioners at a lot of different churches because we move with the military and it gets hard to find the right fit for our family but when we do it is of great comfort to us because it is home, our spiritual home. I need not forget who put me here and how it is my responsibility to live with kindness as Jesus did. Even if the world seems dead set against it. So, though I stumble along at times I know that my faith will sustain me and guide me in all of life's big and small decisions. To me, being a Christian is not a label to be worn but a lifestyle to be lived and I need to get to livin'!  I am in no way perfect (far from it actually) but if I keep trying the Lord will know that I am doing my best. On the ride home, my oldest piped up and said, "We did a good job this Sunday, Mama". 

Yes, we did my sweet girl. Yes, we did. 

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